I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
