Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
