Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
