I CAN MOONWALK!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
