Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
