Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
