the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
