What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
