If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize