Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
