i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
