evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
