At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want to make out with him forever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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