He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
