My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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