I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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