I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
