Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sex in a hospital.. check
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
