You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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