You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
