Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
