I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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