he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
