Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
