You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize