I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
