hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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