I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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