Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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