Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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