Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize