Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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