That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
handjob tips. give me some.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
