When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
