I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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