Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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