It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
