found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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