Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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