it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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