Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
