All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
