my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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