is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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