season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How does it feel to date your dad?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
