Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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