After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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