Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
