That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
