I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
