Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
