i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
