i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
