I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
