Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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