I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
