I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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