Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
