No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
