6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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