My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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