call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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