This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
