Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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