He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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