perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
