I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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